Begin Again

How do you make sense of something that doesn’t make any sense? How do you reconcile two deeply opposing truths and integrate them as both valid and real? I consider myself to be something of a story teller, and I always seem to choose to tell my own personal stories. There are some selfish reasons …

Orgasm and the Holy Grail

You might have guessed that this post might be particularly difficult for me to write, let alone share. It ups the vulnerability factor for me times a million and makes me intensely uncomfortable. It surfaces emotions I have often avoided allowing myself to feel or express. Please do your best to reserve judgements or criticism. …

Beginnings, Endings and the In Between

Today I turn 36. It’s not unusual for me to spend a bit of time reflecting on my birthday. On what once was, what may be. And this year there is much to reflect upon. I shared a post on Facebook the other day that says “I am not the same person I was this …

Yogi Bear and the Spiritual Path

I don’t know who I am anymore.  You can’t love yourself in pieces. You either love yourself or you don’t. I woke to these words echoing in my head this morning. My own words. Words I’d written and posted on this blog not so long ago. I didn’t fully know or understand this then but …

Healing, forgiveness and finding hope after loss

There was a time when I thought I could never be happy without children. I spent from 2008 to 2015 with one plan: Become a mother. Get pregnant. Conceive. I believed with all of my being that I was destined to be a mother and I would never, ever be okay without being one. That’s …

Behind the Façade

I have been really struggling with something lately. No, not just lately. Let’s make that always. I have always been struggling with this particular state of mind. I feel somewhat embarrassed to share this, not that I haven’t shared so many other personal things, but this feels particularly vulnerable to me. Perhaps it’s because this …

How it feels when a heart breaks

It’s funny how looking back at the memories Facebook saves for us can put into perspective how much things have changed in a relatively short period of time. What was my state of mind one, two, three, five years ago? What was I doing? What kinds of things was I worried about? And how much …

2017

What to say about 2017? It was a big year. Too many stories for one post. Too many heart breaks and transitions and life altering moves. So, I’ll summarize and save the stories for another day.   In January Alex and I were in Taganga and Cartagena where we had one of the worst arguments …

Gay-ish

Now.   I’m not one to generally feel like I “owe” anyone an explanation for my life choices. But I kind of dropped a bomb. A big one. And I feel like with that bomb, some internal thoughts might be beneficial to share. Not so that others can further understand me, but so that if …

Autumn

“You only like her because she kind of looks like a boy,”   No, that’s not it.   “You’re only doing this because it’s safe. Because you could decide at any moment you’re not a lesbian and end it.”   That’s not it either.   “You’re not a lesbian,”   Really though? How do you …